.:Eri's Rantings:.

2003-09-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

LOL. yay. go view my new blog/webpage at http://www.geocities.com/erialis_phoenix/main!

2003-08-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

If you are reading this, stop here. Because unless you are willing to understand, step into my shoes for a moment before you judge, then don't continue. Because there's no point in being frank and rejected, there's no point in letting yourself out, before you friends turn upon with distrust. There's nothing but distrust, and the age of man is almost like the age of sin: the greatest one of unforgiveness.

Perhaps I may seem dramatic, but I always like the oppotunity to put down my thoughts into words. My first ones were: why? I couldn't think past that... haze. It's flying in my face. Huzzah.

If you want to understand, however, one side of the story is never enough. And right now, I am telling you that if there is another side to the story that's being written, I implore you to read it first. If you know what I'm talking about, go read it if there is. I don't want to be known not practicing what I preach. And that is not an obligation.

I'm very upset, and some would know why. Somehow, the thought "God, its not fair!" Just sprang into my mind. But compared to the pastor's daughter, Pricilla's problem, I have a very minor one. One that she would definitely rather have, because its so much easier, so much more simple than hers. If you are a pastor, the senior pastor's daughter, and you commit the sin of premarital sex and have a baby... for the first time you ever did it, well. You understand?

My problem isn't in the least related. I'm just telling you that I am thankful. Because I know I still have friends who are with me always, and that's comforting. But not as comforting as the thought of being truthful even to myself all this while.

I always practice what I preach. So it comes that I don't lie (not for at about one and a half month since my last lie, and I have chosen to keep it that way), I try to study hard and I finish all my work by myself, without copying nowadays, trying to be forgiving and not spiteful, being as understanding as I can to those whom I still have patience with. But it seems that this time, God is really, totally testing me.

Even as I type this, I have already soaked two tissues, and my eyes are still full of tears because I cannot, for the life of me understand why when I make it all so clear, people still turn around and accuse me. I'm not saying that they are lying. I'm saying that they don't understand that I'm being truthful, and that lying, its something totally out of character for me to do.

Yesterday, I had IRS till really late. My friend asked me to accompany her home, I couldn't refuse- she's so friendless, and I decided that my HOMEWORK had to wait because my friend needed me more. Sick on Tuesday. Monday was just as bad, with all that workload cramming in. True, I'm no good at my science but I work hard enough to have pulled up grades recently. Just because its the most heroic thing to do doesn't mean that its the practical and okay thing to do. It may be unfair to some, but at least they will know that they had worked hard. At least you're giving a chance to those who don't do as well. Do you know, I wouldn't have minded doing things the way you wanted? I could give myself a lower grade, and let all my hopes of a B get dashed, I wouldn't mind. The point is, its not the only thing I could have done, and its actually something that is okay to do. Because you were the only one who really minded. I wouldn't mind letting it go either way, but even if I didn't vote at all. It would still have turned out the way it did.

And now this. I feel terrible, particularly with the exams loaming. Why, oh why for the life of me did I not quit GEP and spare myself the torture of having to work and laugh and cry with my fellow GEPERs, who make me scream and laugh in turn?

The SPA was today, Science Practical. I took one look and I thought, okay, this is something I know! Definitely! I obviously know how to connect the stuff, since it was electricity, and I remembered the formulas. But the point was that I made a serious blunder in the start, and I didn't solve it till it was almost at the end. Yes, I missed out one connection of wires. I also realized that the voltage thing was not working properly, since the reading changed everytime the wire was moved a little, and the needle didn't return to the same spot. Confirmed not functioning properly, until I jammed the thing in and fixed it.

And then, was the end of the practical. I was almost crying, knowing that I would never solve it but I managed to force the current to work just as we were almost leaving. I didn't once give up, unlike what someone said. I really didn't. And if you know that I practice what I preach, that I don't lie, then you can't say that I didn't try, because here I am telling you I tried. No, you don't have to believe me. You just have to understand me, how strong I feel about this.

I know one thing now- being sorry, its not easy but it has to be done. And even when its not your fault, you can choose to be adamnant and not forgive anyone, but you have to because its the only thing you can do for a change for the good. Sometimes it doesn't change what others think. It can only help you to know that you are being honest.

I might be a loser. But I am an honest loser, and I am not afraid to tell you what I think. If you don't want to hear it, don't let me see it or at least, tell me. I won't lie to you, I'll just shut up. But a little problem would be that you don't even bother to tell me in the first place. I like to nip problems in the bud. If something happens, I'll just tell the person as nicely as possible. But sometimes, I can't afford to be nice. Sometimes, I can't afford to think of the consequences because they'll always be the same.

No, I won't tell you why I left NY until much later, but that has nothing to do with this. It just reflects on how I differ from how I was before.

I just want to tell anyone that I have forgiven you who hurt me, and I won't ask to be your friend. I won't ask anything, because I know now that there really isn't anything I want from all of you, a suspiscious I had long since confirmed. And I won't update this blog anymore, because I'm actually switch sites. I'll tell you when its done, but nothing until then.

=) Caroline- Song of Joy.

2003-08-27T21:41:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.

My aunt's over at my house again, its kinda cool. But I'm really tired, since I just finished swimming eight laps across the pool and I'm a little cramped. So now, I'm resting in my room and listening to "God of Wonders". And of course, entertaining you with this.

Almost finished Briar's book by Tamora Pierce for about the tenth time. I'm quite happy- everytime I look up from my desk, I can see my BEAUTIFUL poster of Aragorn and its a Return of the King poster- hah. Once I have said goodbye to a perfect second issue of FiRST, I shall put up a The Two Towers poster, dig up my lovely card of Aragorn, frame it with my lovely rosewood-cum-goldpaint-silverpaint frame and stick it on the shelf that also overlooks my desk, stick my LOTR bookcase there... and sit back, relax. I have a choice of listening to Fellowship or TTT soundtrack, watch Fellowship or TTT DVD. Hmm. The choices are limitless.

But right now, I dont feel capable of even getting up. Don't even think about it. Shall I snack on cheezels, or cheezmania? Milo? Cheesecake? XD gluttony.

I feel good. Today, finally sorted things out with Myst about IRS, finished my maths assignment (and yesterday's one is in the works, its due only on Mon!) and every other chinese hw is done and gone to SauSau land. ^^

HCL people, start cracking up.

Hmmm. Was talking to Edwin the other day- its very funny. We were talking about older/younger siblings snatching and pushing us off computers... was it The Lord of the Com: The Return of the Sibs and Com Wars: The Attack of the Sibs? I was actually cracking up, anyway. LOL. It's a good joke. Btr not get carried away with it, tho, since my brother holds a routine inspection of my room without considering that I am female and a minor. He's male and eighteen, not to mention chauvanistic. Mmm.

Stupid Dessie. It's NOT funny. I am NOT infatuated, sadness. Are you gay? (The previous statement is proven wrong with his undying love for a certain beautiful lady sitting across the classroom, same seat in the row closest to the door as him. HAH. The one sitting next to my spouse.

Someone who doesn't come from DHS has asked- why am I married? LOL. The answer is fascinatingly complicated. Hehe, spousey, start laughing. The reason being we are in love with each other, totally. That is, of course, a fake answer. The real answer is we were bored, for convenience sake our characters married in a game and even though we have joked about divorce, we are still married and partially faithful to each other (nudges spousey). I'm spouse, my dearest is a female and her name is Spousey. Unlike Karmenth the fair damsel in distress, I am not actively playing that game still and not participating in activities that I am "underage" for. XD

Karmenth the great, in love with guys with A's. Gotcha that time, din't I, Karmy moo?

And this morning was gay, and YOU KNOW IT. Quit poking me. I'm tickling, but your pokes inflict more pain than anything.

Alright. Cut the crap now. Farewell, folks!

Erialis

2003-08-24T22:41:00.000+08:00

Since I can't be bothered to go and edit my previous entry, I shall just write more here.

Happily, I watched Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers twice over the weekend. Three hours last night till 12 something, and this afternoon from 3:30 to 6:30pm. It's 197mins, not including the second cd with the special featurettes. Am I insane?

Honestly, after watching the behind-the-scenes, I'd just depressingly admitted to myself that Singapore is a world with no choice. We don't get to do much horseback riding, fencing, acting, directing, scenery-taking, designing, writing, evangelising, or anything I like to do. Dad has graciously allowed me to try out fencing next year or this December, so I am quite happy. Aside from that, nothing's as good. I envy the actors in LOTR. Especially Miranda Otto. She gets to play the warrior princess! WARRIOR!

I hate helm's deep for one reason- stupid elves. Firstly, they weren't supposed to be there, but then, that was sort of nice. Secondly, Haldir died?! Evil radiations from Peter Jackson! Evil! Thirdly, so few survivors, and Eomer got to his uncle's aid a wee bit too late. And dang that Legolas, couldn't aim straight so the stupid orc managed to blast up the wall!

A little suicidal, that orc. And good grief, what was Theoden thinking when he went to Helm's Deep? Brainless fool! (is grumpy) I hate that scene for multiple reasons.

But other than that, the fighting is cool... but as an old acquaintance once said, Gimli wasn't used much but for comic relief, which was quite upsetting. I like Gimli. Legolas is cool, but his actor "persona" is SAD. Hear me, all you Orlando Bloom girl-moaner: With his wig but without his ears and costume, he actually looks like a girl. And he has a warped sense of fashion.

See? I like to poke fun of everything. Hah.

So happy. I finally updated a very old fanfiction for LOTR. Hah.

Erialis

2003-08-24T22:25:00.000+08:00

What a surprise. I decided to blog again!

*glares at garlic girl jz* you don't have to make me jealous, you know. I'm quite aware of my intellectual limitations. Don't rub it in.

Still aside from that, haha. I have a series of computer graphics designed using photoshop and some photos I took while I had a leisure fortnight in europe. There's poetry, scriptures etc added on them, and some are really quite nice! So if you just wanna take a look or something, just ask me on msn or email me. If you want them as desktop stuff (though serious, you should create them for yourself. Mine sucks.) then fine. Just rmb... I have intelligently copyrighted everything. I can sue you.

^^ the thought of rolling in money is quite appealing, and who's money would it be? You've guess it, laddy.

erialis

2003-08-24T14:05:00.000+08:00

Point #1

Hmm. After reading some people's blogs, I start to think that we are outcasts, after all. But hey, what the heck, I'm having fun at Dunman, at least. Imagine if I had to go to RGS and try to fit into the society there (of which I would fail miserably, considering I don't know half the people there and I don't like half the people I know there). No offence intended, RG. But its the truth.

Consider that the blogs of the RI and RG pplz that I'd read and comparing them to my classmates, there's a world of difference. The people there are damn heck of serious. All very a) depressed or b) talking about some things that's beyond my mental capacity such as "guy girl" and "girl guy". The after effect of spending a long period of time in a place where you don't see the stupid things that the opposite gender does. So I shall spend some time and think about it and laugh my head off.

Yeah. C'mon, if all you can think about is mugging, your own personal problems, more mugging, more problems and about what happened in the day, that's normal. But going to terms with your own brain, you can only debate over issues such as "guy girl" for so long. After a while, it gets repetitive, and then boring.

And why are we from "HERE" catching on with the trend of having all that guy girl stuff? Its so unoriginal and pathetic. If you want to make out, kids, go somewhere else such as US or Russia and find a cute little apartment or a cave in the mountains and freeze to death or have fun there, I don't care. Just quit it will you. I get sickened enough hearing some people talk about why they like the girls, some people cuddling UP to each other (okay, maybe just gripping hands and exchanging looks but that's gross) and etc. You should know that such public display of affection is unneccessary.

--

Point #2

Woot. Just read a blog talking about what is life. Hmm. What an interesting topic. Go read A purpose driven life and find out for yourself.

Still, life can be a cupcake, chocolate cake, pie, etc. It can be a race or a jog, a game of chance etc. What is life? That's the question that drives us on and on and on. What you think life is simply defines how you live your life and the attitude you have in facing things. If you think life is a cupcake, then to everything your answer will be likely to be sweet and sugary. If you think life is a race, then all day long you'll be running here and there.

I won't tell you what I think life is, because I already know what it is, and nothing will change me. Right now, my concern is what you think life is. Because some people already have the wrong mentality and that makes them unwilling to change that concept.

And right now, I had a funny thought: christians, note this- I think the times are turning more and more trying, trials and temptations are roaming loosely. Maybe I'm right and maybe I'm wrong, but it all just seems so wrong to me. Because some things, like BGR and etc, are just likely to be temptations. Who wouldn't slip into a daydream or two? (actually, I dont. LOLZ.) but anyway, you catch my drift? Good. Think about it for yourself.

--

Argh. September hols are so close, it shall signify my death as I will be buried under piles of work. Let's see... one overnight stay, church, hw, gaming, etc. I will not have time to myself as I had promised. Time to clear the work.

erialis

2003-08-24T13:33:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.

Yesterday was a happy day. Today is an unhappy day. Reason?

Yesterday:
1)Went to school and managed to read my daily devotion and my bible since I was early.
2)The stupid thing about parent-teacher conference was quick enough.
3)Went to church. Had fun even though I missed cell.
4)Bought "The Two Towers" and watched it. Totally awesome but was late when it finished.
5)Bought a new pair of reeboks. Grey and orange rulez. Matches my bag and wallet now. All I need is a watch.

Today:
1) Woke late with terrible headache. Had terrible breakfast with terrible brother.
2)Remembered what I hate about Helm's Deep scene- Haldir died. Elves died. Sadness.
3)MSN died. Lost half of my contacts and was kept busy.
4)Ran out of writing inspiration so reviewers will now proceed to murder me (not that they haven't.)
5)Started sneezing because of stupid dust.

Yupz. Everything went from uphill to downhill. I'm hungry now and dad isn't home yet, so I don't have my lunch! My computer games aren't appealing today... more like appalling...
Plus its a Sunday so I can't go out and ddr. I will feel obliged to stay home and do work. At least my hair cut ensures that the day isn't too hot.

See? What a horrible, horrible day. I still haven't watched the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen yet, and I'm broke, since I still owe christianne $2, berns $2.50? karmen $16.50 (LAWD!) and whatever else. blardy heck.

erialis

2003-08-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

.:Mission Rant -- Write Five "Stupid"s and One "Brains":.

I amaze myself sometimes... I really do. Wanta know why?

It's really, really simple. I'm just amazed that I have enjoyed killing my throat. Haha. Right now, upon reading this, I'll bet that you are so puzzled, bored and rolling your eyes at what I have just put down and at what you have just read. Despair no more. I will give you reasons to do so further...

Let's see... I just went to a Hillsong concert at the Indoor Stadium and it so rocks. Like, totally. I haven't gotten a chance to enjoy meself at one of their most dynamic concerts since... Christmas at the Stadium, and that was like in the first year of my conversion (tadah) and so. It sorts of explains why I am so happy. I totally love 'em, and Darlene is terrific. She really brings the worship to a whole new level, and that she also can bring God into her songs is stunning. First class music, kids. Tops.

Hmmm... I danced to most of the songs. No, strike that out. I jumped to most of the songs and waved my hands, if that's more accurate. There's nothing better than worshipping God with about ten thousand others and still manage to stay standing, not stepped on, not elbowed, and most definitely not killed. Woot. The music terrifies. *hehe*

Titles we sang and I can remember: (in no order!)
1)Magnificent
2)Shout to the Lord
3)Your love is Beautiful
4)My Best Friend
5)Lord I Give You my Heart
6)Turned my Mourning into Dancing

Others I can't fully rmb their titles:
1)If I have wings I would fly
2)*er...*somfin lyk i can't stop praising your name
3)and a lot more. sigh.

See how bad my memory is? Anyway, my aunt dragged me shopping for like... 4 hrs before the concert, I spent the whole 2 1/2 hrs jumping (well, mostly) and I was up since 8 to go to church (which was held at suntec hall 601-603, imagine how many people fitted in and there still wasn't enough space! O.o) which lasted from 9:30am to 12 about there, and we ate fiesta for lunch, had anderson's icecream for tea and simply thai for early dinner.

Saturday was spent watching the great escape, ddring, watching wailumn 'n karmymoo ddr, et cetera. And I still have school tmr, and I still haven't finished my hw. The ng is so going to kill me tmr, but somehow I just can't be bothered to give it a damn (that is not to say, I will not consider finishing it. HAHA) and now, I have just been reminded by Kelly's nickname that my IRS is so dead. ARGH. Nothing (apart frm God, sigh) is going my way but I still can't be bothered. So sue me, kick me out of GEP, see if I care. Not that I really wanted to be in the first place, did you know? Mainstream so rocks. And btw, thru-train is saddening.

Ack. Why can't life go my way? Why can't I a)get to go to church for seven days a week, attend every service and jump in every worship b) hillsong come to perform about once a fortnight (this is saddening) c)have every cd I want, watch every movie I feel like d) and eat (don't laugh) chocolate, icecream, cookies and bacon (weird) all day long? I need the FATS.

Lawd. Alvin's nick (Extraodinary League of Poks) is sad. REAL SAD. It just reminded me that guys just can't be normal (not refering to the poks, but the nickname reminds me of yet another issue I have yet to resolve and it seems that it is beyond my already-limited capabilities) and not chase girls all day. This isn't refered to in jealousy, or that anyone (mostly insane, if ever probable) is chasing me. No. It simply refers to some stupid parents, some stupid students, some stupid brains and some stupid empty spaces that used to be stupid brains. Tadah.

There. Mission Accomplished.

Erialis

2003-08-12T18:15:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.

Oh no... I'm sick again. Stupid mochachilloz, making me wanta puke after catching a ride on my dad's car. I'm trying to keep down the rest of my lunch as well.

Today was not so good, but neither was it terrible. Just average, which is considerably worse than any other weekday. Since weekdays usually rock, dang. Let's state the good points and bad points out so that I'll make reading easier-

Thumbs up:
1) Had lunch with 13 other people (faye, karmen, wl, allison, claire, christianne, grace, jiazheng, dessie, alvin, ryan, yiming, shaun) and the guys were out numbered, until the poks came along. hah. so that added nicholas, jeremy, alistair and kang... heck. Why am I telling you all this? Because I'm bored. Sigh.
2) Went out with karmen, faye, mwina and wyan, and we wandered around and faye and ryan were engaged in some major philosophical debate which I couldn't understand especially why faye had to be so confusing- stop. Lolz, that was some sentence.
3) Half day. Explains all. And Mrs bok wasn't here, so out of the 2 and a half hrs, 1 hr and 10 mins were gone without adult supervision. And I managed to finish my Lit on time! Amazing!

Down side:
1) Feel like puking due to intake of coffee, and trying to keep down fried chicken ain't so easy. Grah.
2) Found out that Bernice killed my cd casing and had to find a new one for my cd. I nearly chomped off her head, which I tried over msn and found myself eating a highly-unappetizing computer screen. Gayness.
3) Hmmm. Haven't figured out another one. Ah, yes. I'm bored, that's what.
4) Mom refused to buy me the poster with one of my favourite sayings! Wahhh... Never mind. Shall save up.

Okay? That describes most of my day. I can't put down my mood, since its currently changing (don't comment) and I can't fix it on anything so I shall not bother to fix it on anything. I feel lame... lolz. Reminding me of what happened today on the mrt train ride when Mwina and the mainstream guy were talking:

Guy: Do you know why we have two ears and one mouth? Hear more, talk less. Do you know why we have two ****s and one --?
Mwina: *blushes* what a gay...
Karmen: *faintly put off expression* ...
Ryan: You know you're talking very loud?
XT: (thinks that its the guy, not us!)
Guy answers phone call, then turns to Mwina): Hey, sorry ah Marina, but the eight o'clock slot booked. You wanna do it at seven?
Everyone else: ... *sicko*

LOLZ. That is one a) pervertic, b) lame guy. Did his mom drop him on his head when he was a baby? We shall not find out... sigh. Is there anything else for me to put? Not really, I guess. Oh.

Waitasec. I'd made Joyce a card and got her a prezzie... hope she likes it. mmph.

2003-08-10T09:47:00.000+08:00

.:Moodz:.

.:Rantz:.
I've decided to change the font style of my blog... I've long since realized that no matter how pretty pristina is, tahoma is better. So there. And sides, it sort of doesn't seem correct to be writing my feelings with such a fanciful font. Call me weird, anything, I don't care.

Time to start ranting, like my title suggest. How a moment of inspiration makes my day complete.

My "dearest" and "closest" friend, I'm warning you something. You better jam it into your eyes or your ears, it doesn't matter as long as you stop getting people into trouble intentionally or unintentionally! If it does turn out that you are getting Johnathan into trouble, you are so going to get it from me, and you better know that well. I'm not happy with whatever lies you're telling your mother this time, since what you're doing is now involving more and more people of authority. Have. I. gotten. it. through. to. your. tiny. and. miserable. brain?

There, ranting accomplished. See? Today's is shorter.

Okay. So I go to church on Saturdays (since I go for the youth ministry) and go out to buy books, read books, borrow books on Sundays. For those of you who don't know, I'm Anglican and from the Faith Community Baptist Church, also known as Touch. Yay. And I'm not a Sunday (or Saturday) christian, and I feel free to commute my ideas to friends even though some of you think that is a preachy thing to do. It isn't. It is called advertising for God, and it helps to settle the issue of "my level of morality".

No 1: I no longer have a crush, in fact, I don't think admiring someone is considered a crush. No BGR. No Gor-Mei-Jie-Di thingamagicus. It's not brainwashed, it is my beliefs and quit bugging me to get a Gor/Di!!!
No 2: Don't tell me to go out on Saturday afternoon-evening, I'm not free. Stop trying to convince me to skip church, cause that is something I won't do.
No 3: I have recently run out of pity for some of your sorry asses. Stay away from me if you have any grieviances. Sympathy- out of stock.

Finally fixed that ground rule, too! Haha. I feel happy at accomplishing something important at long last. I have finally gotten the courage to ram it into every single miserable one of you bent on destroying my conscience. People, don't bitch to me either. And if you want to bitch about me, do it in the darkest crevices of your heart...

National Day Prayer was yesterday, we had loads of fun! I managed to grab a MOS dinner with Joyce and get to the room before anyone else and grab the front seats to watch the TV, and then ate dinner with everyone else. Mostly KFC, MacDonald or BK. Wooot. It rocked. Alvin's a very good worship leader... and he plays the guitar like a pro! *green with envy* My own brother doesn't like strumming. Gay.

Service rocked too. It was before the prayer thing. We actually got to dance and jump and spin about! Yeah... I liked the part "You have tuuuuuurn my mourning into dancing" and we kept jumping and spinning and laughing. Everyone was happy and energetic... unless they weren't there, like they were supposed to. Like my "dearest, closest" friend. Dotz.

Pastor shared with us something from 1st Timothy 2:1-2 about prayer for everyone. Recommended for all Christians.

Sigh. Of course, I'm still upset by some of all you guys' problems, and you know who you are. Do resolve them and if you can't change others, try and change yourself (that is, if you are in the wrong as well! And don't change for the worse, but change for something good and which will help!). Okay?

That's enough temporarily. Hmmm... I shall add a poem here:

Some dreams are meant to fade
Others are meant to die
Some hopes are meant to perish
Teaching you to cherish

Each moment that wastes away
Put the next to good use
Each moment from a passing day
To live, or to abuse?

Can we walk past our fears
As if they never exist?
Can we wipe away tears
And let them fade in the mist?

Some dreams will live,
Others simply die-
But if you believe,
They won't just pass by.

This was written in a moment of no inspiration. Should you think it sucks, pretend you didn't see it.

Erialis

2003-08-09T13:04:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.
I'm not going out for ice-cream after all! But my dad still gave me $50... (grinz) for the weekend! Hooray! My dad rocks...

Talking to some of you gives me headaches sometimes. Well, if you weren't so narcissistic, and thinking that its not your own fault, then fine. We're getting nowhere with our gay conversations, and you're getting nowhere with yourself.

There's church today, and NDP prayer! YAY! I love church. It totally rules. That's all for now, I think.

2003-08-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz On:.

Yeah. I've got complaints from all that a) my blog sucks since it doesn't have enough graphics, not enough pictures and no tagboard; and b) that nobody seems to have my url unless I give it to them. This is like, wow- I've just bothered to update my blog, you azholes, be happy with that. My tag board is screwed since I can't seem to fix it, and my brother refuses to help me update my computer- what do I say? Wow? I'm happy? I didn't want a blog in the first place?

So if you people will shut up about all that crap, and leave me to live my life, I'll be very grateful. If I get one more complain I'll smash you face in and give you a complete makeover of blood. I mean it. I'm sick of getting compared to other people who have no taste. How many times do I have to tell you, I can't do html? If I did, I would have revamped this whole place into heaven okay... I have an idea that I want to try out, but what does one do when you own comp doesn't even help you put a stupid frigging tagboard?!

So, yeah, I'm pissed. Since when I wasn't?

And all ye people, don't think that just because I go to church, pay attention to the sermons, am-a-good-pyscho-analytic means that I am a sympathizer all the time- I'm not, heard me?! I'm human! If you want somebody who will sympathize with you truly, find me when I'm a good temper, and give me a good reason to sympathize with you. Some of you will know what I mean, and if you do then you better start waking up!

(shakes head angrily and mutters a name out)

Here, I'll go on and tell each and everyone of you complainers your faults, and hear MY complaints. Some of you think that just because I often agree, laugh and have fun with you means that I'm always on your side- I'm not. Cause when I see that you're doing something ridiculous, I don't hesitate to point it out, and then you tell me that no, you're not upset, you don't hate/like a person but you think its better that the person doesn't know, et cetera, well people, you're in a state of denial, and a total loser.

What is there to lose by confessing the truth? Would you rather be an az who tells lies to be a people-pleaser, or do you make a statement and let others get used to you? Mind, what you do, let it be for a good reason and not for some crap. I don't like the way you tell me things that are bad about others, yet not go ahead and request for the person to change their ways. I'm telling you, you are a COWARD, you don't even dare to face up to things you don't like. I'm ashamed to help you.

Fine. Am I overreacting? I've been bearing with such crap for the past year or so now, and I'm telling you that you've got a problem so go and solve it.

Then there's the others who think that just because I and you go to the same places, we must be the closest of friends. People, we're not, and get used to the fact cause I'm sick and tired of being some sick shadow. Some of you used to think I "cling" to my friends, this is one good example of how it is the other way round and has always been.

Please, don't pretend that you don't know who you are. That masquerade get tiring, soon its going to turn into a tirade. I'm sick of being your shadow when I'm your equal. I'm sick of hearing my friends talk about you, telling me that they don't see why I'm so close to you or them asking me things about you that I promised not to tell when we were younger. It gets tiring, after time I find myself more irritated by them and you. So all I ask is that we don't stay together. You might have noticed it already, but it never hurts to remind and to publicise.

After all, a blog is where you get honest with yourself and everyone around your az. And it helps, for me to get your problems off my shoulders. Why are they there in the first place?

You've all heard me complain. You better go back and do some thinking, cause if your heart is unwilling, the Lord is unable to work in you. (Nothing here is contradictory, since everything I've said isn't against anyone, its telling the people to stop presuming.)

Xiaotong aka Erialis aka Caroline

extremely irritated. that's me.

For all you bunny lovers, here's a link to one of my favourite sites- particularly since its by Singaporeans and my very own grey-brown Netherland Dwarf bunny's family came from this breeder. Her name's Easy, and she has a friend that my brother named Lana, after the character played by Kristen Kreuk (hope spelling's correct) in Smallville. Lana's a pure black Netherland Dwarf bunny.

2003-08-08T18:28:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.
I'm so dead tired, so dead bored and so dead full of envy that I'm surprised that I didn't flop over and die with a green face. Not like I think it will never happen in the next ten minutes, but only some miracles do work...

Right now, all I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep, except that I can't since my work is waiting on a rack, and my feet are so tired that I can't get up from this chair anyway. Who wouldn't be, if they had just finished two dance performances that you have finally finished since the early part of the year? And on top of that, I had to work on my drama performance, attend my cca's sec4 farewell party and journey with Myst to the icecream parlour.

That reminds me of something funny. I saw Rueben get onto the MRT at Eunos (or was it Paya Lebar? *shrugz*) and he didn't see me. After smsing him, I went to sit down with Michelle and he said, he couldn't see me, and if whether I was the one who was shorter, or him! (LoL. I have no idea.) Michelle, upon reading, commented "tiny guy". LOL. I'm surprised he didn't kick a fuss about that, honest. Rueben, if you ever read this, don't take offence.

Vanessa from Sec1 EDS has a lot of potential. She's good at cheorographing (whatever the spelling), dancing, script writing and acting! When she reaches maturity (and that means Sec3) she would either be head of EDS of a major part of the COM. (woohooO!) Sadly, we had to say Byebye to our dearest Sec4s... sigh. The term "life goes on" should be applied, but I don't have the heart.

Kenrick had to do a kissing scene with Yvonne, Rowell with Michelle! It's so sweet... (awww) and so dramatic, the way Rowell had to erm, dump Jane for Michelle because he thought her straightforwardness was so adorable (which it was) and that Kenrick was composing poetry to Yvonne! (Waah!) It's all so lame but the Sec3s can be shamelessly funny. Three cheers for 'em!

Hmm... the combination of a second class icecream would be an ultimate ($13 four scoop three topping icecream) consisting of strawberry, cookie & cream, toffee creme and chocolate chocolate chip. I mean, it tasted okay, but the combination was quite poor, with the chocolate sauce, strawberry and almond flakes. Rule 1: Don't order strawberry with chocolate. Rule 2: Should eat toffee creme with almond flakes, but by themselves. Rule 3: Eat the icecream by yourself. Sharing icecream is kinda boring cause you can't eat all of it. Mmph.

Tomorrow, treating Yvonne and Wanqing to icecream at Swensens! (Sigh... broke liao) Wailumn and Eunice (the shy one) will prolly be going... or at least, WL. Eunice says she'll have to ask her mom. So obedient!

Xiaotong aka Erialis aka Caroline

2003-08-07T21:41:00.000+08:00

.:Rantz:.
I'm surprised. I'm actually considering updating this blog, unlike what I did for the other um, five or six thousand blogs I had in the past. Ah-haha-haha. I'm so good to you, you ought to have realized that.

Tomorrow is the school's National Day celebration! *sigh* How I wish tomorrow will just shrivel up and crawl into a corner to die- EDS actually has to do the SYF dance for the school twice? It's an outrage! The school is taking advantage of our disreputation and inexperience to kick dance out of the English Drama Society. We protest!

And then after that, we get to do the Aaron Carter dance (I have no idea what the real name is and I do not want to find out what it is!) and the parody of the Taming of the Shrew for the Sec 4 Farewell Party. I wish I didn't come up with the idea of something a) shakespeary, b) well known and easily dramatized by us kids, and c) that included me. So kicking and protesting, I refused to be Lucentio's wife, since I hate last minute arrangement. I mean, Claire had told me that I was to act only as narrator, so I said, okay! Then they come to me and tell me to be the gay wife, and what was I to do, nod and follow along? NO! It is a perpetual outrage!

Calm down, chill, xiaotong, chill. Alright, so today didn't go so well. I didn't bring the darned costume. But we did have some fun and I did arrange the ice-cream with Wan Qing and Yvonne. Mmm, ice-cream at swensen. They better be happy, since it's all on me!!! I really wasn't kiddng when I said, "my life is one big mess."

I've got a new section down here- it's titled scribblings.

.:Scribz:.
A precautionary note: Following contents are hazardous to one's health. If you read this and find that there is much satisfaction to be demanded from me, by all means, don't read. I'm telling you that I like my head, heart, and all parts of me to remain intact till the day I return to God naturally.

Art thou aware, fair maiden karmenth, that thine beloved sir Alvin of Pok desireth to leave his study grounds of Dunman high Gifted, and seeketh dwelling elsewhere? For surely, the day he leaves this fair dwelling will thine heart be sorely aggrieved, and no recompense can take away thine heartache... thus, as is my duty, I strong assuage you, as thy poor guardian, to treasure these last, fairest yet bittersweet days with thine beloved, and perhaps, before the great lord departs from thee, to love him truly, thus may he ask for thine hand and love thee, yea, for all the rest of thine - and his – life.

**Hahaha... Karmen, Alvin, please don't kill me. It's just hilarious. Yes, I wrote that, now I'm publishing it. The title is "Lovers' Sorrows". I quite like that, and it's really accurate. =P**

I like this picture. It belongs to Lord of the Rings, so don't sue me. I've said it already!

Here's some more interesting stuffs to check out- if you like poetry, fanfictions such as Tamora Pierce, Garth Nix or Lord of the Rings, check out my writings at
http://www.fictionpress.net/~whitephoenixerialis or
http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=285406.

If you like Domitan of Masbolle from Protector of the Small Series by Tamora Pierce, why not check out http://groups.msn.com/WeLoveDom?

That's all for now,
Xiaotong aka Erialis aka Caroline

2003-08-06T18:34:00.000+08:00

Flop. I'm stuck. Quit staring!

.:Rantz:.

I seriously wondered whatever had made me believe that I had truly lived through the day- least to say, I was wrong. I'm always wrong, whatever the little imp inside of me that says is correct. That's sooo unfair.

The miracle was, Mr Ng (the evil maths teacher) didn't make us stay back! It's such an amazement, I could almost forgive him for making us stay back on tuesday (okay, maybe not quite, but well...) but of course, I didn't. If I did, everyone would think I'm nuts. Even that little imp inside. *glares*

I don't feel like looking at this world with a philosophical eye today. I still haven't forgotten the headache I got when I argued with Jamille Contessa about death, a gun and a room of people- and the headache hasn't forgotten me, either. So I am suffering, slowly, wasting away... oh, cut that poetic crap.

Why must EDS be the only CCA that has to perform our stupid SYF dance for National Day celebrations?! Its pathetic, especially the purple bodices, orange skirts, lime pants and banana shirts. If we had to do this dance, couldn't we do it in our school uniform and get over with it? Let me lament- the dance steps, music and costumes were all choosen by the color-blind, deaf and styless WAB- what a bitch.

Here's a little limerick for all those depressed souls out there, with sentiments of boredom like me:

There was a man and a shrew
Who conversed over stew
"I'm sorry, it's not meant to be,"
She replied, "that's okay with me,
I've seen guys with balls just as few."

I feel sad. (DHS students, quit sniggering) This is a pathetic life we're leading at school. What is due tomorrow? Ahhh. Plato's cave's assignment, supposedly in conjunction to how Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird could see the light, but the others could not. Ah well. Whatever it is, English and Literature are still my favourite subjects, so I guess I can bear with studying allegories.

Oh, heck. Enough for the moment.

erialis